Another Deadened Regime

Don't eye me sideways
I'm going to sit here
Indian style
light this match
and do my best
impression of a torch.

She cannot save me this time,
a murmur in sound waves
spitting florescent beams
into splitting headaches
I cried your name
into a tornado and watched
it twist into a million
broken swords.
I swallowed each shard whole
let it occupy my precepts
and quiz my Desires
on what their intentions are.

I want to see my body made of ash
a mache of cryptic solitude,
glue me together dear,
you've always had the best fingers
they have flames dancing
on their tips.
You never did tell me how
they never burn your nails,
is it from the ash you borrowed
from my temple?
Is that your repelent?
Is that your secret?

Please just fight fair!
fightfair!

Sometimes
the drum kicks never
drown out your name enough
it sounds too god
to be uttered by laymen.
I will quiet your lament
and resist convergence
on another ocean portrait.

I am praying
salient
wake me up marionette strings!
I want to be cognisant today!
I want to see her
today...

My fingers
they burn
black
no ash can save them
no refrain
can quiet their screams.
Those flames waltz
across my nails,
they are cracking
like smiles,
at least today
that's what they look like.
At least today
I hope you smiled at least once
at least today
I didn't open my crisis
onto a bed of broken swords.

I have an itch in my stomach.
So I swallowed a mouse to fix it,
now I have an itch and a mouse
scurrying around,
so I swallowed my fears;
now I have an itch
and a rotting rat,
so I swallowed my doubts;
now I have an itch
and a rotting rat
and something rancid brewing.
Two fingers down an esophagus
ripping through
vocal cords
until I removed this bile.
Now
now here I stand -
spine straightened,
no longer under the weight
of another broken promise;
jaw clentched,
I have too many words
to utter to you
I want to have my strength then;
fists clentched,
ready to punch through
any wall that might pose
this
an obstacle;
feet firm,
I need better ground to stand on
so I gathered up my dreams
and mediation rants;
eyes shut,
rest now
so tomorrow I can fully see you
clearly.

Here
stands before you a once
broken child
smashing door frames
like tinderbox music,
i have grown since those miscues
those manic mistakes
and you want to test my gold?
Good,
I have a barrell of quaters
at your behest
and a shotgun chest
to climb out of
before that time
can commence,
but when I do
I will be
waiting
and ready
for you...